How to Clean Up Your Clone
by Hidingtobeseen
Summary: Jade is going to help Roy get back on his feet, but first she'll need someone to watch Lian. (Season Two)
1. Chapter 1

**Well well well, look who's back from the dead. And still refuses to acknowledge that this show was cancelled.**

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Artemis wasn't one for cooking. Her talent pretty much topped out at burning pasta, which she wasn't planning on doing again anytime soon. It took a lot of explaining to the firemen last week that that is what actually happened. So tonight she was working on something much safer: re-heating take out. Friday was Wally's late night advanced Chemistry class and Artemis knew him well enough to know that the more food ready when he got home the better. She was putting in the extra effort because she was worried about the speedster. He had been unusually quiet since the failed intervention with Roy a few nights ago.

Artemis was reading at the kitchen table, four steaming plates of Chinese in front of her and one last one spinning around in the microwave. She would like to say that the whirring of the microwave drowned out the sound of her sister coming in the window, but Jade had been sneaking up on her since they were children.

"Hey sis."

Artemis jumped at the voice behind her and almost dropped her book in a pile of chow mien. She whirled around in her chair and glared.

"Jade! What do you think y-is that a baby?" Artemis's rant was cut off at the sight of the blanket wrapped blob in a sling on her sister's chest. Jade nodded and the younger girl leapt out of her chair.

"Jesus, what are you doing with a baby? Jade I swear if you stole it I will-!" She gestured wildly as Jade interrupted her.

"Her name is Lian." With uncharacteristic gentleness, Jade pulled the top of the blanket down and revealed a tiny smiling face with a mop of red hair. The microwave dinged and Artemis's mouth fell open. Even surrounded by the usual round baby features, there was no mistaking the dark slanted eyes that looked up at her.

"Oh my god." Artemis reached behind her and grasped the back of her chair. "She's yours." Smiling, Jade brushed her fingers against the little cheek, earning a giggle from her daughter. Artemis stared between her sister and what was apparently her niece. Whatever else she had to say vanished as the child reached her arms towards her and cooed.

"Do you want to hold her?" Jade scooped her daughter out of the pouch and held her out. After a second's hesitation, Artemis took the child into her arms. Lian squirmed a little before settling into the crook of her arm.

"How old is she?" The archer said in a quiet voice, staring as the baby yawned and blinked.

"Almost ten months." Walking over to the table, Jade took off the sling and put it down next to a plate of chicken. She also slid a pack off her back and put it on a chair.

Artemis turned around and watched as her sister grabbed a piece of chicken and put it in her mouth.

"Have you spoken to Roy?" She asked quickly. "Wally and some others met up with him a few nights ago. He's...he's really messed up." Jade grimaced and nodded.

"Yes, we saw him." Artemis almost asked who 'we' were, but realized Jade meant her daughter, who was falling asleep in her arms. "Actually we were there when your speedster and his friends talked to him." She waved one hand before Artemis could ask. "No, they didn't see us. I wondered if they could beat some sense into him without me. But they couldn't so I talked to him." Jade pulled out a chair with her foot and sat down. "His obsession with finding the real Roy is..." She sighed. "It's killing him." Artemis approached her sister, adjusting the sleeping Lian in her arms. "I need to get him back on track."

Artemis's relationship with her sister had never been the best, but they had gotten closer in the past years and she could read between the lines of the older girl's statement. Both her and Jade had frankly crippling trust issues due to less than perfect parenting and she understood how much Roy meant to Jade, even if she would never say it. He had been the one to help Jade out of her life as Cheshire and now it was her turn to save him. After a long pause, Jade shook her head slightly and stood up.

"And I need to start by getting him back in shape." Jade put her hands on her hips and smiled. "And that's where you come in." Artemis opened her mouth to answer but at that moment the front door opened.

"Is that Chinese food I smell?" Wally's voice rang out from the front room. "Cause I could eat a whole- Cheshire?" The speedster froze in the entrance to the kitchen, one hand raised to the scarf around his neck.

"I don't think I'd make a good meal, West." Jade didn't bother turning her head to look at the boy.

"Yeah, too much of a fight to be worth it." He lowered his hand and took a step towards Artemis. "What is she doing here Ar-is that a baby?" Wally cut off his own sentence again. The blond nodded.

"She is Jade's." She tried to continue but Wally turned back to Jade.

"You stole a baby?"

Jade finally looked in his direction and threw her arms up in the air. "Why does everyone think I stole a baby?" Wally shrugged and Jade continued. "She's my _daughter_!"

"Ohhh..." Wally approached Artemis and looked at the child sleeping in her arms. "Oh." His voice softened and he reached out one hand, lightly stroking the tuff of red hair. "Roy." He looked up at Jade. "Roy is a father." A smile tugged at the corners of Jade's mouth.

"Biologically, yes, but he needs to clean up his act before he can be a real parent." She smiled for real now, gazing at her child. There was a moment of silence before she looked back up. "And that is what I am going to go do."

"Huh?" Both Artemis and Wally raised an eyebrow at her.

"I'm going to go clean up my clone." She turned on her heel and walked towards the kitchen window. "Thanks by the way." She waved her hand before hoping up on the window sill.

"For what?" The couple said in sync again.

Jade looked over her shoulder and smirked.

"Babysitting." And she was gone.

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**Thanks for reading! More chapters will be up soon.**


	2. Chapter 2

_1…2…3…4_

Roy had always thought the idea of counting sheep to fall asleep was bullshit, but now he knew it was. If he thought of another fuzzy white ass jumping over a fence he was going to hurt something. He rolled over, pulled his blanket up, and clamped his eyes shut.

_Just…go to sleep…_

_..._

A few seconds later, Roy opened his eyes and looked to his clock. It was ten o'clock, only 10 minutes since he'd last checked.

"Fuck it." Roy said aloud to the empty room, kicking the sheets off his body and over the edge of the bed. He pulled on a t-shirt and stumbled out of the bedroom. After stopping in the kitchen to grab a box of leftovers, he ended up in the living room. He grabbed a book and dropped down onto the couch. This wasn't his first sleepless night and it wasn't going to be his last. His days were tortuously long and, ever since his meeting with his old teammates, so were his nights.

For the next few minutes, the apartment was more or less silent, as Roy read and ate take-out with his fingers. Suddenly, a voice from the kitchen cut through the silence.

"Hey, Red."

With a start, Roy jumped to his feet, book and food falling to the floor, and he spun around to see Jade leaning against his counter top.

"I wish..." He started to snap, before pausing.

"You wish I wouldn't sneak up on you or you wish it wasn't so easy?" Jade's tone was light, but her eyes pierced into Roy in a way he knew wasn't a joke. But he wasn't even close to being in the mood to talk about it, so the archer chose to shrug off her words and instead walked up to her.

"Where is she?" He looked his wife up and down, as if she might be hiding their daughter somewhere on her body.

Someone is taking care of her." Jade answered.

"Who?" Roy's eyes narrowed. "I don't trust your 'work friends'."

"Relax, neither do I." Jade waved one hand. "At least with Lian. I left her with some of yours." A mental image flashed in Roy's head of Nightwing teaching his daughter handstands or Konner trying to fit her into a pair of boots and Roy didn't feel relaxed at all. Noting the look on his face, Jade laughed and hopped up on the filthy countertop. "I left her with West," Roy's mouth dropped open and he gaped, imagining Wally feeding Lian all kinds of non-baby-friendly food. Raising an eyebrow at his reaction, Jade finished her sentence. "…and my sister."

Roy remained confused at how his daughter could be in two places at once before snapping his mouth shut. Of course Wally and Artemis were living together. He tried to remember where they were. Something about a college on the west coast. Guilt crept into him; he was so out of touch with his friends he couldn't even remember where they lived. Or who they lived with. He nodded quickly but belatedly to cover up his confusion.

"Right. Of course."

Rolling her eyes, Jade sighed but moved on.

"I figured we should work on getting you back in shape before we go after Speedy."

Roy felt his heart jump but he frowned anyways.

"I'm in shape." He muttered, sounding surprisingly like a child himself.

"And a haircut wouldn't go amiss." Jade added, smirking, and Roy felt an unexpected wave of affection for the women perched in his kitchen. Despite two years of marriage followed by two of separation, she still acted as she did when they first met, as if her sole job in this world was to push his buttons and find out what made him tick. No one made him feel more whole, more himself.

Or more annoyed.

"Hey!" He crossed his arms. "I look fine."

"Red," Jade leaned forward, crossing her elbows on her knees. "You look like a hobo."

Roy threw up his hands.

"Who asked you?" He stalked out of the kitchen. "And I do not."

_Great comeback, Harper _said a sassy voice in his head. Jade hopped off the counter and followed him.

When he stopped in the living room, she rolled up on her toes and grasped his shoulders.

Roy's already pounding heart sped up as he felt her breath on the back of his neck. Everything about Jade said and did was painfully familiar and after so much time alone, it was driving him crazy. And she knew it. She pressed her chest up against his back and whispered in his ear.

"Yes. You do." And her presence behind him vanished. Knowing what was coming, Roy suppressed a groan and turned around. Sure enough, Jade was perched in the open window, cold air whipping her hair around her.

"Come on, Red." She jumped out and, before he had time to talk himself out of it, Roy grabbed his bow and quiver and followed.

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Wally and Artemis stood in the middle of their kitchen, staring at the baby in Artemis' arms. The food on the table had gone cold and the clock on the oven blinked _10:37_.

"Well..." Artemis looked up as she drew out the word. "Now what?"

Wally didn't look away from the child as he answered. "Can I hold her?"

"Great…" Artemis sighed, but Wally was already taking his scarf and coat off, dropping them unceremoniously on the kitchen floor. He held out his arms and Artemis gave him the sleeping girl. Despite her quickly-growing sense of panic, Artemis couldn't help but smile as Wally cradled the baby against his chest.

"She's so small." Wally said in a whisper as he stroked her nose with a finger. "What's her name?"

"Lian." Collapsing in a chair, Artemis brought a hand to the side of her face. "Wally, what are we going to do with a baby? I've never babysat before." Wally shook his head slowly, still stroking the child's face.

"Me neither. But hey," He looked up and smiled. "How hard can it be?"

"Hard." Artemis answered quickly. "We don't have baby formula or diapers or clothes or-or-And what if she gets sick or-" Artemis' mouth couldn't keep up with her brain, but before she could truly work herself up, Wally walked over and half-sat on the kitchen table in front of her.

"Hey. Hey, we'll figure it out."

Artemis looked up at him and Wally smiled, cautiously adjusting Lian in his arms. With a shock that cut through her panic, Artemis realized that this child could be theirs. It could be Wally's hair and her eyes instead of Roy and Jade's. "We always figure it out." Wally continued and Artemis couldn't help smiling back. She dropped her hand to her lap and sighed.

"Okay." She nodded. "Okay." Pausing a second, she decided there was at least one thing she could do. "You hungry?" She asked. Wally's eyes lit up and she snorted. "Why do I bother asking?" Getting up, she grabbed the last plate of food out of the microwave and rummaged around for a fork. She set them both down on the table and held her hands out. "I'll hold her. You eat." Wally handed the sleeping girl to Artemis and picked up the fork. He sat down and Artemis took the chair next to him. There was a minute of silence as Wally ate. Well, as silent as it could be with Wally's eating.

"Want some?" Wally still had a mouth full of food as he held a forkful of rice up to Artemis' mouth. She half smiled and opened her mouth.

"Thanks."

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**A big thanks to everyone who has read this story and an even bigger thanks to everyone who has reviewed it!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Onto the next chapter!**

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Jade leapt soundlessly from roof to roof and, although he would never admit it, Roy was struggling to keep up with her. He had no idea where they were going, but Jade apparently did. She climbed up fire escapes and vaulted over chimneys and Roy was sure he had lost her a couple times. One of these times she turned up right next to him, crouched in the shadow of an air duct.

"How are you doing?"

Roy stumbled and almost fell at the sound of her voice. When he regained his balance, he whirled around and hissed. "Fine! Like I said, I'm in great shape. Never felt better." It would have been more believable if he hadn't been panting while he spoke, but Jade just shrugged.

"If you say so." And she took off again, this time faster, until she was just a dark blob in front of him, slipping further and further away. Trying and failing to pick up his pace, Roy scrambled along behind her. His breath came in gasps and sweat poured off his forehead despite the frosty air.

When they reached a large gap between buildings, Jade leapt off like a cat, Sai in one hand. By the time Roy reached the edge, she had hooked her weapon on a telephone line and was sliding towards the next dark building. Roy smirked, chest heaving from exertion. He had a foot up in this field. In a still-fluid motion, he pulled the bow from his back, knocked a rope-arrow, and shot it off into the darkness. When he felt it dig firmly into the opposite wall, he attached his end to the rooftop and used his bow to swing down the line. Because his line was more steeply slanted, he caught up to Jade.

"Ha!" He called out to her. "Just because you and your ninja training can sneak through the dark doesn't mean-" But the rest of his rant was cut off as, due to exhaustion, lack of attention, or just being unpracticed, Roy's grip wavered and he slipped off.

He would have made quite an unshaven pancake on the street below if a hand hadn't grabbed him by the back of the shirt. A muffled pop and a hiss sounded in the night as Roy flew through the air for a second before being unceremoniously dropped onto the landing of a fire escape. He landed hard on his side and rolled onto his back, gasping for air. A few seconds passed before he raised his head and Jade's face came into his line of vision, glowering down at him. Roy lay back down and groaned, staring up at the stars.

"Oh god, I need to work out." He moaned to the winter sky.

"Yes. Yes you do." In the dark, the woman scowling down at him looked more like Cheshire than Jade and Roy was almost scared. Instead, embarrassment burned white-hot in his face. He pushed himself up on his elbows, head throbbing and back bruised, and groaned anew. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he made a mental note to put more padding in the back of his uniform.

"Come on." Jade reached down a hand. Her right hand, Roy noticed with some surprise. Jade was ambidextrous through practice, but left-handed by nature. He took the hand and hauled himself to his feet. As soon as he was standing, Jade turned away from him. "Let's go." Again with her right hand, Jade started climbing up the fire escape. Roy followed, humiliated and still confused. When they reached the top, Jade turned and slipped into the shadows, forcing Roy to quickly scramble after her.

This time, Jade kept her pace slow enough that he could stay by her side and they ran across the rooftops together for a few minutes before Roy realized they were heading back the way they had come. He stopped at the edge of one building as Jade leaped to the next.

"We're going back?"

Pausing as well, Jade turned around and nodded. Her silhouette seemed slightly misshapen and Roy started to wonder how hard he had hit his head.

"Then why did we come-?" Roy answered his own question before he finished asking it. "Were we running around out here just to prove that I'm off my game?" He didn't need to see Jade's smile to feel it, even in the dark. "How long would you have kept leading me around, waiting for me to mess up?" Now he heard Jade's quiet laugh, echoing to him from the other rooftop.

"Well, we still had a few hours till dawn." She turned away. "But I figured it wouldn't take very long." And she dashed off into the night, leaving her husband to curse and follow.

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Life with a speedster meant accepting a few facts of life. Like food disappears quickly, but the dishes always take longer.

When the dishes were finally done and in the drying rack, Wally turned back to the table, looking slightly embarrassed and Artemis was pretty sure she knew what he was about to ask before he did.

"Can I hold her again?"

Chuckling to herself, Artemis held Lian out to him.

"It's a good thing she is a deep sleeper or we'd wake her up with all this passing back and forth."

Wally frowned as he gathered the child into his arms. "Don't say that, you'll jinx it."

Artemis shook her head. "I still can't believe that 'science has the answer to everything' boy is afraid of jinxes." Wally probably would have had a sassy retort if Lian hadn't squirmed in his arms. Both ex-heroes stared as she opened her eyes.

"Told you." Wally whispered tauntingly. Artemis held her breath as Lian looked at Wally, looked to her, opened her mouth...and screamed.

Squeaking in surprise, Wally rushed towards Artemis, holding out the flailing child. Artemis raised her hands and backed away.

"I don't know what to do! Don't give her to me!"

"She's your niece!" Wally cried. "You take her."

"I just met her. I don't know anything."

"She's snotting all over the place!"

"Don't hold her like that!"

"I thought you said you didn't know anything!"

"Well, I know you aren't supposed to do that!" At some point during the fighting, Lian stopping screaming, but Wally and Artemis didn't notice.

"Then you take her if you know so much!"

"I _don't_!"

At Artemis' last shriek, Lian giggled. Archer and speedster both froze, staring at each other, then stared down at Lian. The child looked between them and laughed again. Wally drew her back to his chest and Artemis took a step towards them both.

"That's...?" Wally started.

"Weird." Artemis finished.

"Well, she is Jade's daughter. What did you expect?" Still watching the girl in case she started crying again, Wally shrugged as much as he could without upsetting her. "Hand me a towel, will you?" Artemis took a step back, grabbed a clean dishcloth, and handed it to him. Lian fussed a bit, but let Wally wipe her face off. She then stared at him, mouth working slowly open and closed. Wally blinked.

"Oh."

"What?" Artemis asked, caught between wariness and eagerness.

Wally looked up. "I think she is hungry."

"Oh." Artemis repeated

"Did Jade leave _anything_ here?"

Artemis looked around the kitchen.

"Um, the sling-baby-holder-thing. And..." She grabbed the black bag from a chair. "This." When Artemis opened the bag, there was a bottle on top of everything and a note attached to it.

**She is probably going to be hungry around midnight.**

Artemis rolled her eyes and read the note aloud to Wally.

"Great." Wally said. "So we just, give it to her?"

Holding the bottle out in front of her, Artemis approached the baby the same way she would a ticking bomb. "I think so?"

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**I'm getting close to the end of what I've already written, so chapters are going to start coming out slower. But I'll try not to keep you guys waiting too long. A big thanks again for reading and reviewing!**


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry it's taken me so long to post this. (Also sorry its so short .)

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Swinging down from the roof, Jade hissed sharply when she landed back in the apartment. Roy, ducking through the window behind her, was thoroughly winded. He stumbled to the couch and collapsed onto it, sending a cloud of dust into the air.

"Well, you've made your point, Chesh." He sighed. "I am in...less than perfect condition."

Still standing in the kitchen, Jade gripped her left shoulder and grimaced. "I almost wish I hadn't."

Roy raised an eyebrow. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Jade answered automatically. She started to turn away, then paused. "Actually, I," She cleared her throat. "I think I dislocated my shoulder."

Roy leapt off the couch, waving the dust away from his face. "What! How?"

Jade made a face. "Catching your stupid ass."

"Oh." Guilt hit Roy for the second time that night, adding to the weight in his chest. Sighing, Jade turned back around to face him.

"Can you put it back in?" Her voice was quietly hesitant and Roy felt his heart skip a beat. He nodded quickly and she walked to him. When she got to the living room, she turned her back to him. Roy lightly rested one hand on the injured shoulder and cupped her elbow with the other.

"Count of three." He said. "One. Two." Jade exhaled slowly. "Three." Whipping the arm back then forward, Roy snapped it back in place with a sickening pop. They stood together for a few seconds while Jade took a few deep breaths that couldn't quite be classified as gasps.

In those few moments, Roy could smell sweat, night air, and something that was uniquely _Jade_. Memories of their past flooded through his brain, days and nights and years spent together, overwhelming him with the urge to do…something. Anything. But as soon as he moved, Jade pulled away. She moved to stand a few feet away from him, rubbing the injured shoulder.

"Um, y-you should put some ice on that." Roy cursed himself for stuttering like a teenager but Jade simply nodded and walked back into the kitchen. He watched her leave, heart still pounding.

"I'm sorry." He whispered after her, unsure what he was apologizing for. Jade didn't say anything, but Roy knew she heard him. For a while, the faint clinking of ice was the only sound in the apartment. Roy sat back down on the couch and stared at the floor.

Despite the fact that they acted like nothing was wrong, they both felt the years of separation gaping between them. Roy's self-destruction and Jade's departure had broken their carefully built life together and now suddenly they had been thrown back together with a daughter tying them to each other.

_A daughter and your __emotions_, the voice in Roy's head snapped suddenly.

But, Roy tried to reason with himself, if Jade didn't still care for him, why would she have come back at all? She was more than capable of raising a child by herself and they both knew it.

A slight noise caught Roy's attention and he looked up. Jade was standing in front of him, holding a towel full of ice to her shoulder. He started slightly, but didn't speak. Neither did she. She simply looked down at him, jet black hair hanging over her shoulder, dark eyes cutting into him, and no feelings whatever showing on her face.

She was so beautiful and Roy felt his heart ache. _Why? Why would she be here if she didn't still feel something?_

Clearing his throat to break the silence, Roy awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck.

"So now what?"

"Now, we get some rest." Jade answered. "Lots to do tomorrow."

Roy knew he shouldn't ask but something inside him said he had to try. Taking a deep breath, he opened his mouth.

"Do you-" Jade's eyes narrowed but it was too late for Roy to stop talking. "Do you want to stay here?" There was no pause before Jade answered.

"No, I have somewhere." Turning around quickly, she walked back to the kitchen. "Thanks for the ice." She said as she tossed the towel into the sink.

Roy thought he saw her smile before she ducked out of the window. "See you Red."

As soon as she was gone, Roy flopped back onto the couch and shut his eyes.

"Damnit…"

* * *

"Damnit!"

Dick had just come in from a night shift as 'Richard Grayson, Police Officer Extraordinaire' and was pulled out of a much needed shower by the sound of his cell phone. Years ago, Wally had set his caller ID on Dick's phone to "The Wall-man" and a picture of his face mushed up against a window so it looked like he was trapped inside the phone. Dick wiped soap bubbles off his ear with one hand and held the phone up with the other.

"Wall?"

"The 'Wall-man' is currently trying to wash throw up out of his hair." A female voice answered him. Dick snickered at the mental image.

"Hey Arty. What's up?"

"What do you know about babies?"

"Hm, we talkin' making them or-"

"Dick!" Artemis interrupted and Dick was sure that if she was there, she would have slapped him. He chuckled.

"So, taking care of them then?" He took Artemis's silence as a yes. "Well, I watched the younger kids at Haly's a lot. Why are you asking?" The voice on the phone sighed.

"We need your help."

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Next Chapter: Dick Grayson, the Babysitting Wonder!


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